LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP

THAT

 MORNING.

 I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT

AND

 SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

 AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY

 BIRTHDAY."

 I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL

 REMEMBER.

 MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT

FOR

 THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.

 AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING,

 BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

 IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

 I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND

SAID,

 "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR

BIRTHDAY,

 LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

 I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.

 LET'S GO!"

 WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE

 DINED

 INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS

 EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY ON THE WAY BACK TO THE

 OFFICE,

 JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED

 TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE..

 I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?"

 SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

 AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS,

IF

 YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT.

I'LL

 BE

 RIGHT BACK."

 "OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

 SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME

OUT

 CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND

DOZENS

 OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

 AND I JUST SAT THERE...

 ON THE COUCH...

 NAKED.

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